You want to join a conversation, but part of your attention is already checking how you look and what you might say. Afterwards, you replay the exchange, looking for evidence that you sounded awkward or made someone uncomfortable. Social anxiety can make ordinary contact feel like a performance that other people are assessing. Even a short conversation in a shop, lunch with colleagues or a message in a group chat can occupy far more of your day than anyone else realises.
At AbsoluteU, I offer hypnotherapy for social anxiety in Horsham, near Crawley, and online. We focus on the situations you find difficult, the predictions you make about other people’s reactions and the ways you try to protect yourself from judgement. The aim is to make everyday interaction less dominated by fear, with goals that fit your personality and the life you want to lead. You can read about my wider approach on the hypnotherapy for anxiety page.
The work that goes on before, during and after a conversation
Social anxiety often starts well before you meet anyone. You may rehearse an introduction, worry about going quiet or look for a reason to cancel. During the interaction, attention can turn inwards: am I blushing, does my voice sound strange, have I held eye contact too long? With so much attention devoted to monitoring yourself, it becomes harder to follow what another person is saying. Afterwards, an uncertain expression or an ordinary pause can become the detail you return to repeatedly.
These patterns can affect work, friendships, relationships and simple errands. They are different from choosing a quiet evening or preferring a small group. You may enjoy solitude and still want help with fear of judgement. Equally, someone who seems outgoing can feel highly anxious beneath the conversation. We will look at what is distressing or limiting for you, without treating a preference for quietness as a problem to correct.
Why trying to hide every sign of nerves can become exhausting
It is understandable to want to conceal something you believe people will judge. You might speak very quickly, plan every sentence, avoid giving an opinion or keep checking whether your face feels warm. These strategies can make an interaction feel possible in the moment. They can also leave you believing it only went well because you managed to hide your anxiety, so the next conversation still feels like a risk.
We can explore which habits are helping and which keep your attention fixed on yourself. The work may include allowing an ordinary pause, listening without composing a perfect reply, or expressing a small preference without immediately explaining it away. This does not mean ignoring genuine unkindness or putting yourself in an unsafe setting. It means distinguishing what is actually happening around you from predictions that have begun to feel like facts.
How I work with social anxiety
We begin with recognisable situations. Perhaps you can talk easily with one friend but dread a team lunch, or manage work conversations while avoiding personal invitations. Understanding those differences helps us choose useful goals. My approach to anxiety combines hypnotherapy with practical techniques, adapted to your circumstances rather than assuming every socially anxious person needs the same exercises.
In hypnosis, we can work with anxious expectations and rehearse taking part in a familiar interaction with less self monitoring. CBT techniques may help us examine a prediction, such as the belief that a pause means someone thinks badly of you, and consider what evidence would actually support it. We can then agree a manageable way to try a different response outside the session. What you learn from the experience matters more than whether you felt completely comfortable.
Another part of the work can involve the analysis that follows a conversation. Replaying an exchange may look like learning from it, yet become a search for a mistake that cannot be conclusively ruled out. We can practise noticing when a useful reflection has become repeated checking, and returning attention to the rest of your day. The goal is to free up room for the conversation and the relationship, rather than making every interaction an examination of your performance.
Where public speaking fits
Fear of being judged can affect both everyday conversation and formal speaking, but they are not always the same difficulty. You might be comfortable with friends yet dread delivering a presentation. You may also find a prepared talk easier than an informal conversation because you know what to say. If speeches, presentations or speaking in meetings are the main issue, the public speaking page looks more closely at preparation, losing your place and being the focus of a group.
For social anxiety, the emphasis here remains on everyday interaction: joining in, allowing yourself to be seen and spending less time monitoring or reviewing what happened. A useful change might be accepting an invitation you would usually decline, staying involved at lunch or asking a question without rehearsing it repeatedly. Those are examples of possible goals, not a set sequence or a promise about how quickly the work will develop.
One client described the moment she realised she had sat through an entire team lunch without once thinking about how she was coming across. “I was just there,” she said. “That sounds small but for me it felt enormous.” That is the kind of freedom this work can create.
Choosing appropriate support
CBT is a well established treatment for social anxiety. The NHS information on social anxiety explains assessment and treatment options. Evidence for hypnosis across anxiety problems is encouraging, but more limited for social anxiety specifically. We can discuss what my approach offers alongside any existing treatment, and whether more specialist support would be appropriate. If anxiety is substantially affecting your work, education or relationships, a GP can help you explore the available options.
Frequently asked questions
The goals should reflect what you want. You can prefer smaller groups, need time alone and choose not to be the centre of attention. Therapy can focus on reducing fear where it stops you doing something you value, without treating a quieter personality as something to remove.
Yes, these concerns can be part of the work. We can look at the fear of being noticed, the checking that follows and what you believe a visible sign of nerves would mean. Progress does not have to depend on eliminating every blush or tremor. Feeling able to stay in a conversation despite some nerves may be a useful goal in its own right.
That depends on your circumstances, what you want to change and your response to the work. We will agree goals and review progress together. Current appointment lengths and options are on the professional fees page. If the approach is not helping sufficiently, we will discuss an adjustment or another form of support.
Support in Horsham and online
If fear of judgement is getting in the way of everyday contact, you can contact me for a free initial telephone consultation. Sessions are available at Roffey Park Institute in Horsham, near Crawley, and online. We can talk about the situations you find difficult and whether this approach would be suitable for you.
